Well what can I say my story always starts with my growing up days. They were difficult and my parents didn’t do much to help it either. Now don’t get me wrong I absolutely love my parents. They weren’t the most perfect parents but they did all in their capacity to be one. Thought it was precisely this factor that made them not so perfect. But they did good. I’m well off at least till now though I’m still living on their bread.
But it is not that what is I’m here to tell about. It is the fact that growing up wasn’t easy for me. I wasn’t the most accepted person in a group and I only had a few good friends which I’m proud to say are still my good friend till today though a few are long distance relationships now. But I never really made good friends after that for a few years since. It was in this period of time that I thought that making friends was all about looking good to people. Though I still cherish the idea my perspective is changed a bit.
Then it was about how I look. Face! It is all that mattered. You look good you make friends. Hence whichever friends I made then only lasted a year or so and now I know that it was because they shared the same view as me. I am not proud about thinking so, but I was insecure and vulnerable then and well wasn’t that good looking. I was stubby child with thick glasses and carried a very nerdy look as you can well imagine. But I see now that not much has changed from then and now. I’m still that insecure, vulnerable, not so stubby girl with not so thick glasses.
And though it is not about looking very attractive anymore it is still about looking good. It is about poise. It is about communicating at a comfortable level. And about thing that I just cannot seem to do. Yes I do have a very few good friends still it is because I can be myself with them and they can be themselves with me. But with the world outside mine I’m still trying in vain to fit in. It is but a continuous pursuit to fit in this Vanity Fair.
